It was a great week! I coupled an hour of cardio with 45 minutes of weight training with Trainer Tina twice that week. I had also done at least an hour of cardio 3 more times, hitting my goal of exercising 5 times that week. But that’s not all! I felt great about my eating that week. Whole grains, fruit, vegetables, lean meats were in abundance. But more than anything, I felt great about my obedience to the Lord. I started my days spending quality time with Him, which seemed to fuel my times of coming to Him when I was tempted and feeling empowered to resist. Needless to say, when I woke for my weekly weigh-in Tuesday morning September 6th, I was expecting so see a good number. Still, I ran through my mental checklist of my week, as I do each time I weigh: Did I exercise regularly? Yep! Did I eat healthily? Absolutely! Did I turn to God rather than food consistently? I did! So regardless of what the number on the scale said, I felt great! Then I recited a line from one of my favorite books, Made to Crave, by Lysa Terkeurst, “I am a Jesus-girl who can step on a scale and simply see an indication of how much my body weighs, not the worth of who I am”! And I believe that with all my heart! So now I was ready to weigh. I stepped on the scale (halfway expecting to see at least a 2lbs loss), blinked my eyes, stepped off the scale, cleared the number, and stepped on again. Surely there was a glitch. But no. No glitch. I saw it right the first time. I hadn’t lost 2lbs. I had GAINED .2 of a pound! I chuckled to myself. Honestly, I felt great about my week so that .2 didn’t really bother me all that much. Besides, I had just gotten of my menstrual cycle (sorry boys) the day before and could still be retaining quite a bit of water. But more than that, Trainer Tina had tried to kill me with weights that week and I was confident that the additional .2 was an increase of of muscle, which I knew weighed more than fat. I was certain that when I weighed the next week I would see a dramatic drop, which had happened many times in the past.
Unfortunately, my week didn’t exactly go as planned though. I left that very day for New York and while there I gave into several foods that were not a part of my healthy eating plan. Then I traveled to California and once again chose foods that I knew weren’t the healthiest options. Some of those moments were simply bad choices, others were a result of emotional meltdowns where I turned to food rather than God. Still, it wasn’t a total loss. I did a lot of walking in New York and at Disneyland in CA (which I refer to as “lifestyle fitness”). I also put in 2 additional times in the gym. That coupled with my expected drop from last week’s disappointing weigh in made me think that when I stepped on the scale this morning I could still see either a loss or a similar number to last week. I ran through my mental checklist. Did I exercise regularly? Well, no. Did I eat healthily? Uh-uh. Did I turn to God rather than food consistently? Umm…not exactly! But still…”I am a Jesus-girl who can step on a scale and simply see an indication of how much my body weighs, not the worth of who I am”!
I stepped on the scale…
Last week’s gain was a result of water retention and muscle gain. I’m sure.
This week’s gain…Red Velvet cheesecake, hamburgers, not working out regularly…need I go on?
It makes sense…but still…it feels crummy! Everything in me wanted to go back to bed. Instead, I had a little talk with Jesus. It wasn’t the end of the world. But it’s not a great feeling either. I walked away from my time with the Lord feeling better…but I still didn’t want to exercise. I wanted to watch TV and lose myself in someone else’s reality. So I did what I typicaly do. I tweeted!
“Had anothr bad weigh n this AM. Now its 1 of those days where I wanna sit & do nothing…like yesterday! Help me tweeps! I need inspiration!”
And boy did I get it:
I even had several “tweeps” inspire me with my own songs:
Hehehe…I just love my “tweeps”! Feeling inspired, I sent out another tweet (“Thx 4 the inspiration tweeps! On treadmill watchin Who Wants 2b a Millionaire, ironically callin on MY ‘Lifeline’!” http://twitpic.com/6kfdxs ), and got on my treadmill & elliptical trainer for an hour and a half!
During commercial breaks I read all of the Twitter responses and saw a couple who suggested that I not weigh anymore. I began thinking about that and thought I might share why I will continue to weigh. You see, I fully believe that I am more than a number on a scale. I’ve always believed that…even when I weighed over 300lbs (Ironically, it was at that weight that I released my debut album “True Beauty“)! I am convinced that my beauty does not come from my outward appearance. 100+ lbs ago I claimed 1 Peter 3:3-4 as one of my life scriptures:
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
I know that my value and worth are not based on my body size. My value comes from the Lord. Jesus deemed me valuable enough to die for. That fact remains no matter how much I weigh (Can I get an “Amen”)!
While losing over 100lbs has had an added benefit of feeling better about the way that I look, this journey has been about so much more than that. It has been about freedom (which is why my second album “Freedom” donned that title and many songs about such, as God began setting me free from this lifelong addiction to food)! I was not living the abundant life Jesus died for me to have because I was bound by my weight. When I began being obedient to Him, and living according to His Spirit and not my flesh, I felt closer to Him. I felt His pleasure. And yes, I felt FREE!
Two times along the journey though, I hit a plateau. I felt like I was doing everything right, but I was not losing weight. I knew this because I weighed myself regularly. Something was wrong. Both times I hit a plateau, the culprit was an extremely low metabolic rate. The first time this was caused because I was not eating enough. The second time was because my vitamin D levels were too low. Once I remedied both of these things my metabolism regulated and I began losing weight again. But I would not have known something was wrong if I hadn’t been weighing. I should also add that I gauge the fit of my clothes as well as try to measure with Trainer Tina monthly. I know that many factors can result in an increased number on the scale (time of the month, water retention, muscle weighing more than fat). But I do believe that if it consistently stays the same or increases, something isn’t working. I know that weighing is not the only indicator on how successful a weight loss journey is…but it IS in fact, an indicator. I don’t believe in being a slave to the scale. But weighing has, at several times, been an aid on my journey to be healthy. I don’t want it to dictate how I feel about myself. But I admit, it sometimes does. Having struggled with my weigh my entire life, that is something I am still working on. I want to be balanced in my thinking about my weight. What can I say? I’m a work in progress.
Still, next Tuesday I will weigh. I am determined that it will not dictate my worth or my mood. But you know what? Knowing that I will step on my scale in 7 days will help me make healthy choices this week. I guess I look at it as a sense of accountability.
I know that I am on a similar journey as many of you. I read your responses and would love to hear your thoughts on this!
I’ll leave you with a video tnvolscowgirl made for my song “The Truth About Me” on youtube. I am clinging to these words today.