Single Awareness Week-Day 4

Home/Blog/Single Awareness Week-Day 4

20140212-224519.jpg

I am a true believer in gaining wisdom from people who have walked the path you hope to walk. Many singles don’t necessarily want to get married…more on that tomorrow. But for those of us who have that desire in our hearts, there is a lot we can learn from our married family and friends.

I asked several of my married friends a question: If you could speak to your single self before you got married, what would you say? Here’s a sampling of what they said:

“Marriage is a sweet gift. It is also a lifetime of refining one another in love. It is the absolute opposite of self. Marriage is a denying of yourself to love the one you’ve been called to love, the way they need love. Before being married, challenge your fears and insecurities. If there are things in you that are off limits to talk to the Heavenly Father about, then there will be things you won’t share with your spouse and that will eventually cause a wedge in your relationship.”

“My one piece of advice… I would have told my single self to avoid distractive relationships, attraction and conversation that take away from productivity, zap emotional energy, tug on healthy personal boundaries and play with your heart. I could have saved a bit of time, realized more God dreams and helped a whole lot more people.”

“The most important common thread between single life and married life is this: Jesus is all. My wife and I are only in our best marriage groove when we are walking strongly and confidently in the things of the Lord as individuals. I wish my single self would have pursued the things of God with more passion and while being more fully awake. Sometimes I regret the laziness I see when I look back at moments of my life when I had less accountability. Bottom line – Jesus is all. So treat your life – your priorities, your time, your resources, your relationships – accordingly. That goes across the board, whether you are single or married. When we finally come to understand the truth that Jesus really is everything, then we understand because of that that no one else owes us anything. And that sets us free to let people off the hook. That is a great thing to understand in marriage. Marriage is a whole lot of letting one another off the hook.”

“I would tell that 22 year old girl. God has created you fearfully and wonderfully… You are whole and complete lacking nothing, with limitless possibilities. God is everything you need but He also knows who He’s prepared for your life. Seek Him and in Him you’ll discover everything you need.”

“I’d tell myself to let go of my idea of the “perfect” Christian guy. I grew up believing that the only strong men of God that were husband material were the ones who would lead me by taking my spiritual walk under his wings & would initiate every single spiritual aspect of our married life (ie: leading me in Bible study everyday;). While there are those types out there, there are also those who lead more by his life’s example and less by his managerial skills. One isn’t better or more Godly than the other. I think being married to the latter, I’ve come to realize that the man most complimentary to me all along is the man who, for example, teaches me what it means to be humble by humbling himself first, not telling me how I need to be humble. Less words, more action. So I’d say, ‘be impressed with the walk, not the talk.’ ;)”

“I guess it would be to realize I am already completely loved and accepted. There’s nothing I have to do or say to earn that. Oh, and I wish I would have really grasped how lesser choices made in a moment would affect the relationship I have today with my hubs. He doesn’t love me less, but I had a ton of stuff to work through. Counseling rocks!!!”

“I would encourage myself to wait on The Lord and not try to make things happen.”

“Run as hard as you can after Jesus and if someone catches up introduce yourself. Make sure you don’t look to get your happiness from a potential spouse. Be sure it’s in Christ. Don’t look to your spouse for your entire happiness and fulfillment in life! God is seldom early & never late. Don’t rush into marriage out of striving. Wait on the Lord’s best! Don’t create an Ishmael out of fear. Marry your best friend! Take time to get to know each other even when you believe the Lord has said someone is ‘the one’. Time spent can confirm. One more thing: The Lord is an excellent communicator! He will confirm.”

“Be patient. God’s best is never too late. Enjoy the season you are in.”

“The quicker I lose my right to be right the less strain/ unnecessary frustrations I would bring into my marriage. Pride can tear down a relationship and erect walls. In simpler words.. Don’t sweat the small stuff! Laugh it off and spend more time creating incredible memories. You never get the time back so use it wisely!!!”

“Well if I could go back and talk to my single self, I would get all of God I could possibly get and give God all I could possibly give Him!! Because I can clearly see how giving God all and receiving all that He has for me makes my union with my husband sooo much better!!! Loving God first makes loving your significant other incredible!”

“If I could go back and talk to my single self, the one piece of advice I would give myself is this…I remember when I was single I would have dates with God. I would clean my apartment, get dressed and prepare my heart to spend an evening with God…I’d light a candle, softly play worship music in the background and wait for a visitation from God…. Those moments were so powerful and sweet to me. It was during those times that He began to smooth out all the many rough edges and heal my heart.. I learned that I could be at ease with who He created me to be… If I could go back and talk to my single self I would tell her to do MORE OF THAT….. Those moments are far and few between now:)”

“Talking to my single self…It’s worth it to wait in every way for a man who makes you want to be a better person. The worst kind of loneliness isn’t to be alone. It’s to be in the company of the wrong someone. Ask people wiser than you to help you see what young love can sometimes blind you to. And listen. Falling in love may happen in the heart but staying in love very much happens with daily decisions in the mind. Chose wisely with your heart and mind. And then bring abundant grace and crazy love to that relationship every day.”

Single friends: As you read these comments from some of my married friends, what is the biggest take-away you found? If you feel like you will one day marry, do you have any married couples you can ask this question to?

Married friends: What other advice would you offer to your single self?

Today’s giveaway is a sermon series from one of my favorite preachers, Andy Stanley. It is called “The New Rules on Love, Sex, and Dating“. In my opinion, a must-see for any single person desiring marriage. Leave a comment below and I’ll choose one of you to send it to!

2014-02-12T22:34:57+00:00 Feb 12th|Blog|127 Comments

127 Comments

  1. kathy February 13, 2014 at 7:17 am - Reply

    Wow is about all i can say. In my opinion like those above is that God and Jesus are first and foremost and if thats not there then its time to rexamine the relationship and pissibly move on. True relationship can only be healthy if its about God first and everything else second. Thank you mandisa for these wonferful thoughts this week

    • kathy February 13, 2014 at 9:55 am - Reply

      By the way i love being single

  2. Stacey Clark February 13, 2014 at 7:42 am - Reply

    1. Be equally yolked
    2. Tell your mate what you need: they are not mind-readers
    3. Be quick to forgive

  3. Parianne February 13, 2014 at 7:44 am - Reply

    God should be first in foremost in any relationship!! Going to church together/as a family is what has brought my marriage to where it is today!! The Lord continues to bless our family!! Love your spouse…marriage should mostly be about sharing everything…being married to your best friend!! Knowing that God is the center of your marriage/family he is the mold to our family!!

  4. Candace February 13, 2014 at 7:45 am - Reply

    I have seen a lot of women take the first man who came along. They were willing to compromise for the sake of not being alone. They always regret settling for anyone because of the fear of being alone. Pray about every man you date. If God isn’t first in his life, he is the wrong man for sure. If he doesn’t treat you like a princess and an equal to him, he is the wrong man. If he doesn’t work hard, he is the wrong man. God called the man to be a leader for his family. If he is not someone you would allow to lead because he is selfish or childish, run away. God will send the right one when you trust Him in His timing.

  5. Leah February 13, 2014 at 7:46 am - Reply

    I look back on my single life as time where I wandered in the wilderness…I was unsure of myself, my worthiness, and couldn’t understand what God could possibly have planned for my life. Some of the best times of learning about who I was in Him was during the wilderness periods. If I had not had those times of loneliness, I could not have listened to who God was telling me I was and who I could be. Open yourself to those hard but essential revelations! Without my single life I would never have been ready for my husband. He is my perfect partner, my helpmate who brings out God’s best in me.

  6. Nina February 13, 2014 at 7:46 am - Reply

    One of the things I am taking away from this is to embrace “loneliness”. You are not truly alone. Spend time with God and His Word. Cling to Him. He has someone out there for us single women who know in our heart that we are not meant to be alone.

  7. Lisa Wilson February 13, 2014 at 7:47 am - Reply

    Compromise, compromise, compromise. Never demand your own way with God or your spouse. Be willing to humble yourself and learn. Be willing to try new ways of looking at things. Soften your voice, face and body. Listen more than you speak and pray about everything.

  8. Felicia February 13, 2014 at 7:47 am - Reply

    Marriage is beautiful and the time together is priceless. But continue to seek
    God and focus on your relationship with God. Marriage does not fill the
    void in your heart. Only the love of Jesus can do that. With marriage you certainly
    can enhance each other. And just enjoy your single life in Christ life abundantly. Don’t be hard on yourself and if you desire to get married don’t let anyone tell
    you that you can’t or won’t. Hold on to what God told you. And when
    you do get married enjoy it even after the children come. Just enjoy life as a
    single and when married. Focus on the love of God.

  9. steph February 13, 2014 at 7:48 am - Reply

    I would tell myself….. “you know all that stuff that you think you have all figured out? Well, you dont! But neither does anyone else – so just love God with all of your heart and hang on tight…. because He’s got this” (I didn’t like my husband when we first met…. married him 6 months later. 17th anniversary last week – you never know what God is up to!)

  10. Rachel Hall February 13, 2014 at 7:50 am - Reply

    I would tell my single self to not be afraid to be alone and to use the time wisely. Grow closer to Jesus so that you take an even better person into your marriage relationship. Work on you so that you carry less baggage with you when you become a duo!

  11. Jennifer February 13, 2014 at 7:52 am - Reply

    I would tell my single self that the whole inside of you crying to be filled is not from the lack of a romantic relationship. It is from a lack of relationship with the Father. You cannot find yourself until you find yourself in God. Then, He will bring you to the man you were meant to be with. My husband is the perfect one for me. Is it always easy? No!! But, I have learned to never take the little moments for granted. There was a time when I could only be with my husband a weekend or two a month. I know I am blessed to have him with me to do daily life with. Always remind yourself of the blessing of your spouse, even when it is harder to see. :

  12. kelly hovious February 13, 2014 at 7:54 am - Reply

    i would tell myslf to love hard, to soften my heart. always and i mean always be able to forgive. without the abilty to forgive you will not be married long. i would remind myself that this is going to be a lifetime commitment. and i would say, if he follows God, that is great, but if he does not, i will in his presence. i will teach him that God is the only way.

  13. Laura February 13, 2014 at 7:55 am - Reply

    Jesus is everything- married or not! What a powerful, encouraging message! I’m complete in Him!

  14. Linda Scott February 13, 2014 at 7:57 am - Reply

    Thanks for the encouragement. I am newly single after 23 years of marriage. God has showed me that it truly wasn’t a good marriage or a marriage based on Him. Its been a long road, but I know God has got this, I don’t know that I will ever marry again, but I do know that if God has someone else out there for me, he will have to pursue God to find my heart. Thanks again.

  15. T Page February 13, 2014 at 7:57 am - Reply

    I would tell myself two things. First, stay strong in what you know is right. Small steps can lead you farther than you realize, and regret is not a fun compliment in a marriage; it only causes problems and division. Secondly, remember that you are still who Christ created you to be as an individual, that it is OK to take time to enjoy things even if your spouse may not. This is not all the time, and should be done in a godly way and with precautions to protect your marriage. For example, if you like to write, find a special time every week or month for when you can do that. At the same time, take time to enjoy with your spouse what he likes to do as well. This includes after having kids. Your spouse married you for who you are, so remember who you are in Christ.

  16. Leigh Ober February 13, 2014 at 7:59 am - Reply

    Don’t become complacent. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you stop taking care of yourself and pushing yourself to be more like God (and don’t stop exercising, it’s easier to maintain than makeup-the same goes with your walk with The Lord). When you commit to being married and chose the verse “Iron sharpens iron” don’t be surprised when it gets difficult and never stop sharpening.

  17. Jennifer B February 13, 2014 at 8:00 am - Reply

    I would tell myself that no man is worth sacrificing my morals and my values my believes God comes first family first. our Heavenly Father has his own plan for each one of us.I am so overjoyed and excited for what I could have had had I not taking my own earthly fleshly desires into action. If I would have help my standards higher and waited. The right man comes when you least expect him to. Great things will then fall into place. You will then know it is true….whole….right. God will have blessed you beyond your imagination. All in all….be the best you that you can be….strive to be more like Him. Learn more about our creator. Be happy. Do not let the pits of bad relationships suck you in and pull you down and away from what you are destined to be.

  18. Karen February 13, 2014 at 8:00 am - Reply

    I needed to heal the little girl in me before I could be a godly woman or a wife….I didn’t do that so my first marriage, to a porn addict, ended in divorce. My children have suffered greatly from my mistakes.

    I continued to make bad choices until about 4 years ago when a man I had let into my life brought me to rock bottom….

    http://youtu.be/a5bVnAwP7pY

    Today I am healed and remarried to a Godly man I met at church. We are in children’s ministry together. He also encouraged me to use Gods gifts and I officially joined our worship team last September .

    It’s never too late to turn things around….but how wonderful things could’ve been if I had been obedient from the beginning. Save yourself some pain……God has great things for you.

  19. orpha February 13, 2014 at 8:02 am - Reply

    Don’t try to change him. I married the perfect man…. but I still had to live with him when the honeymoon was over. We ended up in counseling (not a bad thing! ) and it was an EYE OPENER! I was spending more time “fixing” him than I was being his wife. We madethe decision together to do it God’s way: God first, husband second, wife third Chain of command. I wish I could go back to that girl and tell her everything she missed. And I wish I could tell her sooner that counseling is all good! * as long as its a christian couple providing the counseling!

    • Jennifer B February 13, 2014 at 8:09 am - Reply

      So glad things turned around for you!!! Priase God!

  20. Lynn February 13, 2014 at 8:03 am - Reply

    Note to my single self: First love yourself. Jesus died for you . Stay in God’s love everything else is fake. Your worth is far above rubies. You are a virtuous woman. Set your goals and keep God first. Everything will happen in God’s appointed time not your’s. Pray without ceasing.

  21. Godsglory February 13, 2014 at 8:04 am - Reply

    Reading all these encouraging words definitely inspires and encourages me to keep pushing and driving on. I love these words especially because it’s as if the speaker is speaking directly to me; I can never ever reach a point in my walk with God where I’ve run so hard to pause <3 🙂
    "Run as hard as you can after Jesus and if someone catches up introduce yourself. Make sure you don’t look to get your happiness from a potential spouse. Be sure it’s in Christ. Don’t look to your spouse for your entire happiness and fulfillment in life! God is seldom early & never late. Don’t rush into marriage out of striving. Wait on the Lord’s best! Don’t create an Ishmael out of fear. Marry your best friend! Take time to get to know each other even when you believe the Lord has said someone is ‘the one’. Time spent can confirm. One more thing: The Lord is an excellent communicator! He will confirm.”

  22. Mollie February 13, 2014 at 8:06 am - Reply

    Wow, that is some fantastic advice!
    I would tell myself to slow down and not rush. I had a messed up childhood and I thought that finding a good man and getting married would make it all better… it did, but not in the way I expected. I would tell myself that the only man capable of fixing me is Jesus, and that I don’t need another person to make me whole. I am blessed (and so overwhelmingly grateful) that God stuck with me over the years and used my husband to teach me these things, but the struggle of learning it “the hard way” caused a lot of pain to us (I would mention to myself that God can and will heal all wounds, if only I let Him). I would tell myself that it is FAR better to do things God’s way, on God’s time, than to charge off headstrong, thinking that I know best; I don’t know best. I am not nearly as smart or as clever as I seem to think I am!
    I would also tell myself that love is an action, not a feeling; it is something you give, not something you receive. I spent a lot of wasted time expecting others to love me, when what I was really craving was the love of God and to go outside myself and love others!

  23. Rebekah Leigh February 13, 2014 at 8:08 am - Reply

    Wow! I have been looking for that “perfect” Christian guy who will lead our relationship in the spiritual direction. Must admit, kind of thought that if the guy couldn’t be that for me then he wasn’t a strong enough Christian. I’m now adopting “be impressed by the walk, not the talk” as my relationship motto. I also really see eye to eye with the person that talked about the distractive relationships. I am in constant prayer for God to remove those types of people, whether it is a friend, family member, or guy, out of my life and bring in uplifting and encouraging people. Thanks for today’s blog! Very eye opening.

  24. Kimberly February 13, 2014 at 8:11 am - Reply

    The biggest thing I have learnt on this life journey of mine so far is that being equally yoked is something to take seriously. It is easy to think you both believe in God, want kids etc. It is a very different picture once married and your faiths are very different, goals, ambitions, priorities. I hope one day to find my best friend who is on the same page as myself to give us the ability to go forward in life easier.

  25. Jess February 13, 2014 at 8:13 am - Reply

    I am currently single, and thankfully, I’ll have my very best friends to look to for marriage advice when that day does come! They’ve been married almost 6 months, and I don’t know that I’ve ever seen 2 people so in love! They’re a great example of a couple that truly puts God first in their marriage, so I know they’ll be there for advice when I do actually get married! God is my main focus at this point in my life! I do want to be married someday, but I know God has his own timing, and I’m trusting Him in that. I’ce learned patience in this journey. God is not gonna send Mr. Right if we’re not ready for each other, so I’ve been solely focused on The Lord, and I know that if I just stay focused on Him, everything will work out the way He says it will! I’ve tried to rush finding love, but I learned the hard way that it’s not something that should be rushed! So I’m putting all my faith and trust in Him and just praying for my future husband every day until God says it’s time! 🙂

  26. Erin W. February 13, 2014 at 8:13 am - Reply

    Thanks Mandisa for your insight throughout this week and for being a shining example for “all the single ladies.” 😉

  27. Jaime Olms February 13, 2014 at 8:14 am - Reply

    I was 18 when I got married so I didn’t have much of a single life more like childhood. But I would tell myself that trusting The Lord for your spouse is a terrific idea. I had my spouse and still allowed myself to look at other people in case they might have been for me.
    I would also tell myself that marriage requires work, sacrifice, and determination. To be prepared for hard non romantic days. To be prepared to fight and forgive. To be prepared to take the leading of my Christian husband gratefully!
    Now I give myself advice of remembering we are a couple, not a couple of people raising kids. Our three kids require so much of our time and attention setting aside time for us is important and necessary. Even if it Walmart without the kids, my husband deserves time with me. Sometimes it is just putting makeup on before he comes home. Who else deserves a dolled up me more than him who loves me even in the sweats and hoodie 🙂
    Wait for the relationship God designed for you and work to keep it great!!

  28. Gina February 13, 2014 at 8:15 am - Reply

    It’s great to pray for a godly husband but, I think it’s even more important to ask him to make you into the woman he wants you to be for the man he has for you. Find your worth and contentment in Christ alone FIRST and then you won’t depend on your mate to fulfill you in a way that only Jesus can.

  29. Michaela February 13, 2014 at 8:16 am - Reply

    I am 20 years old and single, feeling like all my friends are taken and married. This blog is giving me a new perspective of being single and helping me realize that it’s ok! God is not finished with me (or my man) yet, and I need help remembering that sometimes. Thank you so much for writing these!!

    • Jennifer B February 13, 2014 at 8:19 am - Reply

      Oh darling he is pruning and making sure the steps are taken to be sure you are both prepared for each other! Do you pray for your future husband? Pray God is getting him ready and helping him be the man he is to be?

  30. Kimberly February 13, 2014 at 8:16 am - Reply

    Well, let me start off by saying that I am 19 years old and I am currently single. I am encouraged by each of these comments! Most people I know that are my age, are rushing their relationships. I want to be different than that. As hard as it gets sometimes to be patient, I know that God’s timing is perfect. The more encouragement I see to wait, the more I want to wait. I want to give my husband my all one day. I am saving everything for him. I want to even give him the gift of my first kiss. In order for me to know who to give my heart to, I have to be in tune with the Holy Spirit. These are such good pieces of advice to remind me to keep God first in my life. I know that if I have the best relationship with God, I will have a better relationship with my husband one day. I just want to remind other single people to stay patient, I know it’s hard but God will put the right person in your life when He knows you are ready. I am surely holding out hope that He has that right one set up for me. God bless:)

  31. Diane February 13, 2014 at 8:17 am - Reply

    If I could go back and give my single self some advice, it would be to be patient. Love, relationships and marriage are on Gods time not mine. I would also tell myself to stop settling. I didn’t think I was worthy of a healthy love and my relationships reflected that. After I finally backed off and gave God control, he sent my amazing husband a year later. It only took me 43 years to figure this out. 🙂

  32. Seth Touchton February 13, 2014 at 8:18 am - Reply

    “Run as hard as you can after Jesus and if someone catches up introduce yourself. Make sure you don’t look to get your happiness from a potential spouse. Be sure it’s in Christ. Don’t look to your spouse for your entire happiness and fulfillment in life! God is seldom early & never late. Don’t rush into marriage out of striving. Wait on the Lord’s best! Don’t create an Ishmael out of fear. Marry your best friend! Take time to get to know each other even when you believe the Lord has said someone is ‘the one’. Time spent can confirm. One more thing: The Lord is an excellent communicator! He will confirm.”

    That is so encouraging to me! I am a 16 year old guy who is struggling in this world of stereotypes. I am pretty much the only one in my Bible study groups on Sunday mornings and Wednesdays that is not in a relationship, or has never had a relationship. I am CONSTANTLY under the pressure to get “hooked up” with someone. To the point where most of my conversations with the elders of my church consist of “Son, you need to meet my granddaughter, she is so beautiful and smart…” Sometimes I think I just walk away. I am so overwhelmed with these kinds of things. The truth is, I respect women too much to do that to them. I have so much to learn and so much growing to do, I do not wish to put another person through dealing with me at that level. This quote helped me so much because I can get so caught up in “how can I prepare myself for my future wife?” In reality, it needs to be “how can I grow closer to GOD?” What if God does not have someone planned for me? If I spend my whole life preparing myself for someone who will never come, I have wasted my life. Singles all over the world need to realize that IT IS OKAY TO BE SINGLE. It gives you so much more time to focus in on what really matters in a relationship, GOD. Marriage is a three way relationship. God, you, and the person you are in a relationship with. But if you do not have God in your life, you are not ready for a relationship. God comes first and foremost in everything! If we focus on Him, in HIS time will He bring the perfect person for you. Thank you so much for this encouragement.

  33. Trudy February 13, 2014 at 8:22 am - Reply

    Marriage is one of the greatest gifts given to us by God but it can also be one of the most challenging. Not one single day of it will be 50/50. One day it will be 60/40 and you will be giving the 60. Another day it will be 30/70 and you will be the one giving the 30. I think a lot of people go into marriage expecting a 50/50 relationship, only to be disappointed after the honeymoon period is over. It is a give and take but never, ever take more than you are willing to give. Spiritual cohesiveness is key to understanding, communication, child rearing, budgeting, all aspects of your life. Go to God together but also remember to pray for each other privately.

  34. Theresa February 13, 2014 at 8:25 am - Reply

    Marriage will come. Enjoy your time as a single person. Don’t rush it. Hold the remote, hog the covers, and realize that this time is as much a gift as married time is. Figure out who you are and what you want out of life. So often we rush through life trying to get to the next good thing, we miss out on the good things about now.

  35. Abby February 13, 2014 at 8:26 am - Reply

    I would tell myself to keep myself constantly focused on God and his plan for my life. Strengthen your walk with Jesus and live a life of respect and love through him. Learn to submit completely to God in all aspects of life. I spent a lot of time focused on myself when I was younger, so I would also want to encourage myself to be a better servant to those around me.

  36. Lawrence February 13, 2014 at 8:35 am - Reply

    My wife and I will have been married 11 years come March 1st. I dated around, she did not. I would go back and tell myself to be more like my wife and wait. Because I did not, I ended up losing my virginity before my marriage and now, that bothers me. If I had been more patient and allowed the Lord to bring her to me instead of searching that would not have happened. But I thank God her brought her to me. We did not get married young, we were 27 and had our first child at 30. I am so grateful for her patience. One other piece of advice: Let God make you a when person before you get married. As my dad would say, a Half a heart and a half a heart do not make a full heart. People think your mate should complete you, but God should complete you, your spouse should compliment you and the gifts God has given you.

  37. Tiffany Thomas February 13, 2014 at 8:40 am - Reply

    I am 24 and I have never had a boyfriend nor have I been kissed. I finally finished college last year and I thought 2014 would be the year my music career would take off and I would meet that special someone. However, by admitting these dreams out loud, I have made myself vulnerable, and it’s been a pretty rocky start to this new year.
    I was especially encouraged by whoever wrote, “I would encourage myself to wait on The Lord and not try to make things happen.” As simple as this statement is, it is exactly what I needed to hear. This is where I struggle. I like to think I’m patiently waiting on the Lord, but unfortunately, I tend to be controlling and desire to handle things on my own. Recently, I have started pushing two good Jesus lovin’ guys away for fear of eventually being hurt. I calculated the percentage of things actually working out and decided that I’m not sure if the relationship is even worth pursuing. I know now that I have become my own worst enemy and that’s not what God wants for my life. I know that in His time, not mine, I will be blessed with an amazing man who loves God more than he loves me. Until then, I will do my best to relinquish control completely to my Creator and let him lead me into the best year of my life so far. Thank you for posting this blog, Mandisa. You are such a blessing!

  38. Joy February 13, 2014 at 8:47 am - Reply

    What really jumped out at me was the one where the person would prepare herself and her home for God on “dates”. I love the idea, and I feel it would help me grow more intimately with God.
    There is a couple at my church (actually, maybe two couples) that I can ask this question to; it would probably help give me some insight.

  39. Donna king February 13, 2014 at 8:52 am - Reply

    I have learned that it is only when I am fully content
    And resting in God.- Relaxed in my present circumstances,
    That he moves me on. When being single means truly trusting
    God to bring “The One”. Then we are free to love God
    And others. To pursue a life of service joyfully”. And
    Be the lights of the world that cannot be hid.

  40. Cheryl February 13, 2014 at 8:52 am - Reply

    My husabnd’s advice to other men is always this: Men..love your wife like Christ loved the Church…that means you love your wife enough to die for her….and not necessarily a literal death. It means that you die to your personal wants and your wife’s needs go above your own.
    I love that!

  41. Cathy February 13, 2014 at 8:53 am - Reply

    After 36 years with my precious mate, I would tell my single self, “Your mama was right! Trust the Lord, love Him first, and wait patiently.” I desired to be married and have a family. It was mama’s advice to love God first and foremost that lead me to my sweet husband. Oh, no…he’s no more perfect than I am! But he loves the Lord as much as I do and we love serving Him together. Did we love each other from day one? We thought we did. But, after 36 years, we know that the reason we are still holding hands is because we were friends who loved being together and serving God together. It’s like Jimmy Stewart said to his future son-in-law in the movie Shenandoah, “There’s some difference between lovin’ and likin’. When I married Jennie’s mother, I-I didn’t love her – I liked her… I liked her a lot. I liked Martha for at least three years after we were married and then one day it just dawned on me I loved her. I still do… still do. You see, Sam, when you love a woman without likin’ her, the night can be long and cold, and contempt comes up with the sun.” I’m glad we were friends first.

  42. Breeze Bettis February 13, 2014 at 8:55 am - Reply

    Hi! I’m 34 yrs old and single! Thank you for your openness and honesty of joys and struggles in singleness. I’m coming into such a new season of learning to get my needs and joy from God. I’m wanting Him to take my insecurities and strengthen me in Him!

  43. Sarah February 13, 2014 at 9:00 am - Reply

    The biggest take away I saw was to have God in the middle of your marriage and that He will bring the right person at the right time. I loved the idea of having a “date” with God and will totally do that sometime!
    Thank you for doing this, Mandisa. It’s such an encouragement to me, to have these reminders tucked in my heart and mind when I start dating. I want to honor God in my relationships and this advice will help a lot, I think. Thank you!
    Blessings,
    ~Sarah

  44. Elaine February 13, 2014 at 9:03 am - Reply

    I didn’t get married until I was 27 and it was the best decision of my life to wait until I felt I was ready. My husband and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary this May and we have had our ups and downs but no marriage is perfect. My husband has been my knight in shining armor…my helpmate….my caregiver when I went through many battles with cancer-he was always there and still is. God has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined. Trust God to lead you to the right person at the right time.

  45. Leelee February 13, 2014 at 9:11 am - Reply

    Simply put my husband is worth waiting for and I am worth waiting on. I have no pre-conceived ideas of how it is going to be because I don’t want to infuse fantasy that won’t prepare me for true reality and hard work. We will be two streams coming together, wherever it meets, it will be a force, stirred, churning, but over time will unify with maturity and commitment to become one flowing stream. I know it will be far more than I can think or imagine. This time, I have allowed the true author and finisher to pen my love story. He knows me better than I know myself, because he fearfully and wonderfully made me. He knows my thoughts and the hidden heart of me. Therefore I trust him with my choice because it will be God’s perfect will. He knows the woman that I am and have become will enrich my husband and what he was called to be in God as well as my husband will bring out the best in me to fullfill my part in balancing him for it’s my desire to help him, not become a stumbling block or anchor weights.❤️

  46. Iris February 13, 2014 at 9:13 am - Reply

    I’m going to keep this short a sweet
    at times being single can be a drag I:ve been single for a while and came to find out that if i stay true to myself- values and stay closer to jesus, he can clam the strom of me waiting for my mate .. and i don’t want to fall in a the trap of loving my mate more than christ.. (don’t mind waiting)

  47. Priscilla Sanchez February 13, 2014 at 9:13 am - Reply

    The biggest take away I have gotten from these comments is to fall in love with God before falling in love with any man. I have struggled with this since I was 18, I have tried to fill the void I have in my life with dating all these different kinds of guys and which resulted with many heartbreaks. I’m 27 now and I didn’t realize till about 3months ago that all God wants me to do is give him all my attention first then he will bring me my future husband. I’ve learned that I have to fall in love with my creator first and foremost and he will give me the desires of my heart!

    Mandisa you rock! Thanks for this blog it has blessed me so much!!! 🙂 <3

  48. Luanna Romack February 13, 2014 at 9:14 am - Reply

    Thank God for unanswered prayers. Many times I thought I was in love. Thought I had found the right person, and then just when I thought I would be single forever. I was 27 living with my Mom. A knock came at the door and it was my babysitter with the most beautiful guy I had ever seen. Three months later we were engaged, a year later married, and through all of this, it was like the minute we were engaged Satan was like I am not going to let you be happy. But the Dear Lord just drew us together, and we faced challenge after challenge. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary. We know it is through the Grace of God that we are here happier than ever and a testimony that you fight through the trials. You will be happier for it. And never give up. Hold one anothers hands and God will never give you more than you can handle.

  49. Shawn February 13, 2014 at 9:14 am - Reply

    Love this post! There is great wisdom in looking to those who are where you want to be. I am single after many years of marriage abs can whole heatedly agree that if you do not treat the marriage relationship as one where you live for the other, preferring the other person before yourself, the marriage will not, can not sustain itself the way the Lord intended. Thank you! 🙂

  50. Dee February 13, 2014 at 9:15 am - Reply

    If there is anything that I’ve learned from this article, it’s that God must be the center of my life whether I’m married or single. I’m currently at a stage in my life where I’m asking God to make me whole in different areas in my heart and I’ve also been asking Him how I can glorify His name as a single woman. Reading this today has given me hope that one day God will send my husband in His perfect timing but in the mean time, I’m going to do everything that I can to make sure that I’m doing what I need to do before he comes along. 🙂

  51. Jules February 13, 2014 at 9:21 am - Reply

    Great advice. Thanks for doing this and sharing with us. I’m single and waiting on God.

  52. Christine February 13, 2014 at 9:27 am - Reply

    4 C’s: Christ, Communication, Consideration, and Commitment. Christ should be first in both your lives (read your Bible, attend church together, read Christian books, hang with Christian friends, etc.). Communicate effectively: in the way they best receive the message, not in the way you best give the message. Be honest, but never brutally honest. Be considerate just like when you were dating. This is a biggie and one so many people let go by the wayside. Be committed. If divorce is not an option, you will work harder to make things better. Walking through life together is a team sport, so always keep in mind you’re in the same team.

  53. Rebekah Tobar February 13, 2014 at 9:28 am - Reply

    Nice! What a beautiful idea!
    Let God set the standard for who you are going to marry! Be so close to Him that it’s His voice you listen to about whom you are going to marry or if you are to be married at all!! Release your plans, present and future, to Him! Beauty in this life is a gift of God. He is the creator of it! He can a create a beautiful life for you in single-hood or marriage. Learn to take every thought captive and put it under the authority of Christ! Learning to do that when your single can save you from your mouth or a bad attitude hurting your marriage!! Love is a gift from God. Let Him love you fully, so that His love flows through you to the ones you live with!!

  54. Katherine February 13, 2014 at 9:29 am - Reply

    I am 16 years old. A few years ago, when I started high school, I was obsessed with the prospect of getting a boyfriend. Thoughts about it took up a lot of my time. However, last year, I went on a church retreat, where I experienced Christ’s love in a way that I hadn’t before. It was an eye-opening experience. I realized that God’s love is the greatest love, and He is who we should strive for. A man in my life will come at a later time. And I have time 🙂 Reading all of the comments about marriage helped to confirm for me that patience is a virtue, especially when it comes to marriage. I am ready to be patient, and I will use this time to strengthen my relationship with The Lord.

  55. Deborah Oquendo February 13, 2014 at 9:35 am - Reply

    It’s not an easy thing watching everyone around you dating, getting married, and enjoying time with their boyfriends while you’re sitting around single wondering when it’s your turn. It’s even harder with the type of society we live in where people take others emotions very lightly and they play with love; they don’t take love seriously. However, how encouraging to know that Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you says The Lord, plans to prosper you, give you hope and a future.” What does that mean? That The Lord holds every piece of our lives in his hands, including who is in our future. Reading this blog has encouraged me and reminded me that Gods timing is perfect and that HE knows all things. Sometimes God has to prepare you to be ready for a season of dating and marriage, and sometimes he just has to prepare your future Spouse. I’ve learned not to lose hope, and to trust that God will answer the desires of my heart.

  56. Elizabeth Cruz February 13, 2014 at 9:35 am - Reply

    The one that really got to me was the “pay attention to the walk, not talk.” It’s something we all have heard before but forget about so easily. As Christian women, we long to have a Godly husband who will lead us. We have our own examples of these type of men in our lives but because we don’t love with them, we ignorantly forget that they’re not perfect. Aan might not always be very expressive with his words by nature. But we can still know where his heart is by his actions. “No one is more Godly than the other.” We all show our love and zeal for God very differently. Just because someone does it differently than you doesn’t mean you’re right or better. Talk can be cheap at times when your walk isn’t demonstarting what you’re preaching. I’m looking forward to just focusing on my relationship with God so that he can prepare me for marriage. I don’t want to focus on having the perfect man, but rather, focus on perfecting myself each and every day in order to be the wife God tends me to be.
    Thank you so much for this mandisa. I really needed to encounter this! God bless! ❤️

  57. Vivian February 13, 2014 at 9:39 am - Reply

    I went into my marriage (and all relationships) wanting that person to be everything to me that rightfully belonged to God to be. God is my Savior, healer of the broken hearted. My spouse constantly disappointed me because he was never meant to fill those roles. Once I got my perspective right things became so much better. Look for in a mate one who’s a wants you to be a better person, meaning all that God wants you to be and not what he thinks you should be

  58. Geraldine Pollice February 13, 2014 at 9:40 am - Reply

    I look back at my single life and smile. ( BTW…I’m not that old, I’m 45 ) I knew back then that I had to place God first and let him guide me to the man I would eventually marry. Id like to share my story of how God placed my husband in my life. Its actually amazing because He knew that the timing wasn’t right when I first met my husband and then did something miraculous. I’ve known my husband since I’m 17. We were friends but lost touch for about 7 years. When we did reconnect, we went on our first date. I thought he was so boring. I had a miserable time. I didn’t call him after that date. However, a year later I had a party and invited him and his brother over. That night a girl st my party was flirting with him. To my surprise, I was jealous!!! How could that be? At the end of the night, when he was leaving, I asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner and a movie. Now he SHOULD have said no but our God is sooooo amazing….He MADE my husband say yes. That was August 21, 1994…we have been together ever since. Sometimes God places someone in our lives but we aren’t patient enough to wait to see WHY He placed them there. I guess I would say to all single ppl…keep your eyes open, wide open and most importantly, be patient. He wants what’s best for us….the least we can do is wait patiently to find out what He has planned for us.

  59. wendy tipton February 13, 2014 at 9:40 am - Reply

    Hi, ive been married for 15 years and if i could go back and talk to my self before i was married i would remind myself that getting married isnt 50/50. Its giving100%. And as severial have already mentioned Jesus is and needs to be the center!! I also would say that being a wife is a calling and THIS is something God called me to do..so like any other calling(like music or ministry or missions extra) i need to give my all and best for God so he can teach me to be the wife he has called me to be! Just this morning before i even turned on my computer and read this I was thanking God for making me a wife and mother. Sometime i say…. yes yes yes i got the job!!! The job of being a wife. Also one more thing I would say to my single self..dont stop praying for your husband after hes your husband!! See before i was even dating I would pray that God was prepaing the man he wanted for me..before I even knew who my husband was, I would pray for him! I Love my husband very much and I am so greatful God called me to be Brians wife!

  60. Sarah February 13, 2014 at 9:45 am - Reply

    If I were to have a chance to talk to my single self there’s so much I would say.
    1. Don’t feel you need to get married or even find the person you’re meant to marry to be happy. Be happy now, enjoy your single time because it goes fast. (I was 25 when I got married and looking back even five years later I was shocked at how young I seemed and how unaware of how difficult a long-term/LIFE-term relationship was.)
    2. Marriage is hard, so much harder than you can imagine. As much as you love the person you marry, learning to compromise and live together is so difficult and learning to stick it out through the really rough times is even harder. I think if we had not had a very strong faith, we would have given up.
    3. Having faith together and growing that faith together is such an integral part of your relationship. Don’t let anything make you lose the focus on that.
    There’s so much more but that’s plenty of advice for single people. 🙂

  61. Nichole February 13, 2014 at 9:47 am - Reply

    Hi, I am a 33 year old with two wonderful children and recently divorced in March after standing and praying for my husband to return home to his family. I stood in the gap for four years knowing that God could do anything and raise our marriage out of the depths of hell but I knew that my husband first had to turn his heart to The Lord completely. Well he choose not to return home. I am now a single mom and enjoying every bit of getting to know Christ as my husband. I don’t know the ends and outs of being single and married and I know that my heart would benefit from learning from this teaching that is being offered. I feel like I get to be wooed by Christ all over again. Thanks and blessings.

  62. Delora February 13, 2014 at 9:49 am - Reply

    I am a 35 year old working wife. I will be married for 11 years on March 22. I can honestly say that I would marry him again if I had it to do over. We have had ups and downs but we always work through the bad and relish the good. When you decide to marry that someone, it should be forever. You are making a vow to that person and to God. You should never settle just so you are not alone. My sister did that and is now in a messy divorce with two children. You have to love them completely, even their faults. And make sure their faults are something you can deal with for the rest of your life. Too many marriages end in divorce and some could have been saved. You have to choose daily to love your spouse like Christ loves us. None of us are perfect and both spouses have to want the marriage to work and last. I pray, for all the single people looking, that God blesses you with a lasting love to keep you company until the day we rejoice in His arms! In Jesus’ name, amen!!!

  63. Usher Ottikan February 13, 2014 at 9:51 am - Reply

    well in all i take away “doing my utmost for God coz He’s chosen me to be in this state for a time such as this. ” i can be sitting back.. .i need to be about his business. thank you Mandisa. #You’reTheBest

  64. […] « Single Awareness Week-Day 4 […]

  65. Rhianna Lynn Martin February 13, 2014 at 9:59 am - Reply

    I’m a teenager who hopes to get married one day. I’ve spent so much time praying for someone to come now because I want someone right now, but reading through the comments, I realize that it’s not my timing. This phrase definitely stood out for me: “God’s best is never too late.” I really need to take time and remember that; I don’t have someone right now because it’s not the best time in God’s plan.

  66. Alexus Golden February 13, 2014 at 9:59 am - Reply

    I’m 20 years old and I’m currently single. Actually I’ve never dated anyone, I’m choosing to wait on God send me my husband. I believe that if I develop a relationship with God then I will know how to love my husband. As I wait for my husband I’m going to study God’s word, worship him, and do what he has instructed me to do. If you love God, I know that you will know how to love your spouse. I haven’t spoken to many married couples, but the few that i have I learned a lot. One thing I have ran into is people judging me because I choose to have a relationship with God instead of this world. They say dating, drinking, having sex, etc….Is normal. These couples and even other singles have told me to follow God’s word and don’t fall into the things of this world. I believe and know that I’m doing the right thing.

  67. Sadie February 13, 2014 at 10:01 am - Reply

    I am 14 years old, and of course I am single. I often wonder about the man God has planned for me, or if he has one. This advice really put things into perspective for me that I need to focus on becoming a woman of God and the wife I need to become. Sometimes I worry a lot about if I am meant to be single. Like, this woman from my church struggles with the fact that she’s 45 and she’s single, but she desires a husband. She’s such a woman for God, and as bad as it sounds, I don’t want that to happen to me. I shouldn’t be dating now, I tried it before, but I have a lack of self control and dating pulls me away from God because I begin to idolize the guy. I really need to learn to become the woman of God my husband will need me to be one day. I pray for him all the time, that God would be preparing his heart for me, and God would prepare my heart for him.. But I just worry that maybe this is nothing more than a dream.. And that I am meant to be alone..

  68. Emily February 13, 2014 at 10:21 am - Reply

    I was so blessed reading all this practical advice. My fav was to take date nights with God. I don’t do that often enough. I felt like through this God kept saying to me “I am enough”, “I will be everything for you”. Most of my friends are married and I feel so privileged that I get to watch their relationships and learn from how they are doing it. I have gotten so many practical tips from them. Thanks for sharing this!

  69. Meagan arthur February 13, 2014 at 10:24 am - Reply

    Marriage is a beautiful blessing from God that never ends. It is a continuous outpour of Gods love. Marriage is a everlasting falling in love. There a great times, and then there are hard times. One thing I have learned just this week, is for wives to be submissive to your husband. Trust that God also speaks to him also, and that we are not the only ones who is receiving Gods word. I have tried to be head of household and always caused chaos. A family has a particular order made in Gods image. A husband should be a respected leader and wives honorable submissives. If you get your house in order and your marriage, you will see Gods plan line up as well. I encourage all wives to trust in God by allowing your husband to lead you.

  70. Ashlie February 13, 2014 at 10:34 am - Reply

    I feel that God hasn’t sent anyone because I’m not ready. I know he has a plan for my life and it’s all in His hands. My family is always trying to set me up but I always tell them that I’m waiting for Mr. Right all in God’s timing!!

  71. Sheila February 13, 2014 at 10:42 am - Reply

    You are in the place where God wants you to be so ENJOY being single. Enjoy your family and friends.

    As a married woman I miss the time I used to spend worshiping God since it is now being used to take care of my family. I miss being able to come and go as I please.

    I miss the freedom that single life gives. Yes, having a spouse is nice but there are blessing in both states.

  72. alli February 13, 2014 at 10:47 am - Reply

    Honestly after reading this i would say im happy in Jesus and to guard your heart. I dont think i will get married tho, but i will wait on whatever God has for me.He knows whats best even if i think i know

  73. Whitney Roberts February 13, 2014 at 10:50 am - Reply

    I am single and have been blessed with a church family that constantly encourages me and gives me advice for when I hopefully get married someday. And they are all at different stages of their marriages (some only married for 1 year, some 5 yrs, 10 yrs, etc.), but what I’ve heard most of them say what they would have told their single selves is to be happy with themselves and their relationship with Christ before they were romantically involved with someone. It’s like the saying I’ve heard my whole life, “How can you truly love and give your all to someone if you don’t love yourself?” You can say that about your relationship with God as well. If you’re always thinking about how low down and dirty you are, you’re missing out on all of the grace God is giving you!!

    The biggest thing that stood out to me in your friend’s advice was short and simple: “Be patient. God’s best is never too late. Enjoy the season you’re in.” It reminds me that God knows what He’s doing and His timing is perfect.

    The last thing I’ll say is something I’ve learned for myself: Jesus is enough. He is my Healer, My Comfort, my All. If God’s will for my life is to never marry I have to accept that and realize my relationship with Jesus is the most fulfilling one I have in my life, and nothing can compare to it. Although I pray that I have a family one day, I realize that’s not going to fill some “void”, only Jesus can do that. God Bless!!

  74. Renee H February 13, 2014 at 10:52 am - Reply

    What an inspiration! I have a adult single son that I’d LOVE LOVE LOVE to win this book for! He could use some inspiration in HIS life!

  75. Amanda February 13, 2014 at 11:13 am - Reply

    My biggest takeaway is to never settle. Waiting on the right man is the best thing you can give to yourself (and your future kids). I am currently dating a strong Christian man and we have talked about Marriage and prayed about it. We have even started doing pre-marital counseling in book form. We both want to be as prepared as we possible can be before starting on this journey together and it’s worth it. He has pushed me to strengthen my relationship with God before my relationship with him and to focus on God during the hard times instead of turning to my friends. I am truly blessed because he puts God before me.

  76. Heather February 13, 2014 at 11:33 am - Reply

    I’ve seen how my Christian single friends handle being single and how my non- Christian friends do and how they search for their love.. if God is not first in your life your just going to spin yourself into a deep hole that’s going to be hard to climb out of. I’ve learned that the hard way when dating and trying to find love my way. I’ve also seen family get married and divorced several times who are Christians and seeing how they suffered and then allowing God to take control and finding that Godly partner. With God in a marriage it’s nothing but spiritual growth in Him and each other. And should God bring me a Godly man I will make sure the God is firsts. Until then I’m enjoying the single life with God by my side.

  77. Renee White February 13, 2014 at 12:10 pm - Reply

    I would tell my single self that it is totally worth the wait. Also God can’t bring you the right one til you are the right one for them. I spent a lot of years trying to find the right one even to the point of having a child with the wrong one. It wasn’t til I started working on myself with Gods help and Grace that he brought the right one into my life. God won’t bring you the one you want but rather the one you need. God has humbled me in every way by giving me a man who is the complete opposite of what I thought I wanted but he is 100% the man I need. Don’t lose hope and give yourself completely over to God and let him change you.

  78. Mel February 13, 2014 at 12:13 pm - Reply

    This is nice to hear encouragement from so many married people. I’m in my mid-20s and most of my friends have gotten married in the last few years. I’ve found it quite isolating to be the continual third/fifth/seventh wheel! The posts this week have been really interesting and encouraging!

  79. Misty February 13, 2014 at 12:23 pm - Reply

    Wow! All the responses are great. If I could say something to my single self it would be simple and 2 words.. DON’T SETTLE. While I am single now, I am recently divorced. I rushed it, I settled, and it wasn’t anything that a marriage should be. I didn’t listen to what God was saying, nor what my heart said. I was afraid of being alone so I thought that I better just marry him with hopes things will be okay. It wasn’t. I have never felt so alone. So now, I try my hardest to speak to others about waiting for the right one. Is it easy?? No! But what I can say is that its worth it. The end result is a blessing from all the things that God will do! Hold on, ladies! Your prince will come! Happy single awareness week! 🙂

  80. Heather February 13, 2014 at 12:31 pm - Reply

    I wish more people my age would see this (i’m 17) they all think love is like th movies but its not! Its not always happy and easy and rainbows. Its work but its worth it!

  81. Amy February 13, 2014 at 1:16 pm - Reply

    I would have a lot to say! I would say first and foremost never run from God. Not to rush things. Find someone who has truly similar beliefs and backgrounds not just someone that wants you to think that way. To learn to pray together before you kiss or hold hands together, it allows you to see His true spirit. To look very closely at his family and how they function. To remember while heart is important it takes more than just a good heart… To find a helpmate, those do exist. To learn the difference between attraction and chemistry and which is Godly and which is not. To consider what type of temper he has. How does to talk and interact with other women including his mother? How do his parents interact with each other? It does matter… To make sure he understands all of this too. Avoid laziness and how to recognize it. Find someone you hold the same interests with. Someone who understands the importance of family and God. Someone who puts your needs before His. Someone with the same goals. Someone who wants better, who isn’t willing to just settle because Christ wants what best for us. Someone who will love you in sickness and health-and understands that. Learn the real person, not just who they want to be seen as. There will be times you move apart but if you put Christ in the center, he will move you back together and you two will be ‘stronger’ because of it.

    I have been married for 15+ years and learned a lot about marriage over the last 5-8 years and its not always a box of chocolates! But if you find the right person, if you wait on God-it is soo very much better than any box of chocolates!

  82. Leilani February 13, 2014 at 1:24 pm - Reply

    All of these comments are wonderful and encouraging. The most that I have taken from them is that I need to continue in becoming closer with my relationship in God first and foremost.

    I know that being patient is key also, and not having expectations for that perfect christian guy are also good advice, because there is no perfect person (christian or non).

    But most of all continuing pursuing my relationship with God.

    Thank you!!!

  83. Liz Jimenez February 13, 2014 at 1:59 pm - Reply

    I would say what my pastor told us 2 years ago that revolutionized my marriage. Marriage is not 50/50. Its 100/100. Once you get married you dont wait for the other person to give their 50%, you give your 100% every single day and whatever they give back is bonus.

  84. Nan yaw February 13, 2014 at 2:06 pm - Reply

    Wow great posts. For me by the age of 25 I had dreams of being married and have two children, boy and a girl. And a loving Husband. Will I met Jesus at seventeen and He soon became the Love of my life.. My Husband if you will. And I have over a 1000 children, amazing the dreams we have, yet placed in the Fathers hands they become so much better. I have taught for over 30+ years and have been apart of many children’s lives, also fostered children and been apart of raising nices and nephews. I am now 60, still teaching and very fulfilled in life. Being single has opened many doors to speak and share my relationship with Christ of 40 +years. I love Him more than yesterday. He is and has been my all in all. And for those who would like to know I am still a virgin by Gods Grace alone. I am all His. In Christ Alone. Nan.

  85. Eunice February 13, 2014 at 2:56 pm - Reply

    I LOVE the idea of having dates with God and giving God my best! Thanks for the reminder that God is a great communicator, He’ll always confirm

  86. Denise February 13, 2014 at 3:02 pm - Reply

    As of right now I am single. I am waiting on God’s timing and trusting that he knows best. While this is not always easy, I know when the time comes I will not be disappointed. I really like the first comment – that marriage is the opposite of self and is a sweet gift. Maybe just maybe, while waiting I am learning how to be unselfish and really realize how much of a gift marriage really is. Continuing to pray for my husband and myself 🙂

  87. Jordan Hardesty February 13, 2014 at 3:05 pm - Reply

    I am a junior in high school who has been single for my whole entire life. There is peer pressure all around in high school about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Sometimes I let it get to me that I don’t have a boyfriend but then when I get lonely I start to read my bible about Jesus’s love and grace! I have always have thought there have been more relationships than being single, but the. My parents told me that the majority of the population is single!! That opened my eyes and now I have more confidence in who I am! I always feel lonely on Valentine’s Day, but I always will have my family and friends who would love me just as much even if I did have a boyfriend! I always go back to the thought of being a child of the one true King! I have been save and I have been redeemed! His amazing grace has saved my life! I just love life no matter what comes my way!!
    P.S. I feel like I’m too young to have a boyfriend and that I am a strong independent girl who does not need a boy to please her needs in her life! God is the one who fills me up with LOVE!! Have a happy #SingleAppreciation week!!

  88. Kizzy February 13, 2014 at 3:06 pm - Reply

    I love this. One piece of advice that made me smile was “Be patient. God’s best is never too late. Enjoy the season you are in.”
    It is important for me as a single girl to enjoy the life God has given me right now.
    Someone once said that she wished she had had the chance to have her own home and live alone for a while before getting married. That made me thankful to be living alone and be able to do what I want, when I want, and to decorate my home in my own style. Oh and to be able to totally stretch out in my bed!! One day I will be sharing a life, a home and a bed with someone so I need to enjoy what I have now, while I have it. It is a good time to make sure my relationship with God is right too 🙂

  89. Lauren Peacock February 13, 2014 at 3:31 pm - Reply

    My name is Lauren and I am 23, about to graduate nursing school (lord willing). Like everyone else, I too would love a copy of this book;) I’ve had a longing/yearning in my heart since I can remember, to be the best godly, loving, encouraging wife I can be and be the best mother I can be for kids I may have. I guess it’s a good thing to be a nurse.. I can take care of kids and love them as my own. I know I am young and have “plenty” of time for a relationship. Anyway, those comments from your friends are awesome and very encouraging and gives me (and I’m sure others) lots to think about. Thanks so much for your encouraging words Mandisa!;)

  90. Nicole Parsons February 13, 2014 at 3:34 pm - Reply

    I enjoyed reading this blog today. It brought a tear to my eye (ok, a few) when I read about the date with God. How beautiful! I am choosing to turn my Valentine’s Day into a date with God.

  91. Lisa Cordial February 13, 2014 at 4:16 pm - Reply

    If I could go back nineteen years ago and give myself one piece of advice before marrying it would be to not waste such precious time on meaningless, trivial things. I would pick less fights with my husband and instead build him up more. I would stress less about our house and work more on building our home. I would worry less about money and concentrate more on giving. I would depend on my husband less for my spiritual guidance and lean more on God while learning how to study His word myself. I would love more and criticize less. I would give more and take less. I would pray more and worry less.
    Wow! I guess that’s more than one thing. Things jut kept coming to mind that I wasted time on when I could have been working for the Lord. Thank goodness He has shown me the error of my ways. 🙂 Thank you Mandisa for being such an inspiring voice for singles. I pray everyday for my girls and their future husbands. And I pray for you too.

  92. Christie Berlin February 13, 2014 at 4:26 pm - Reply

    I love this, as a mom of a teenage boy that is delving into dating and relationships, I’m excited to read this, and discuss as a family!!

  93. Stacey February 13, 2014 at 4:26 pm - Reply

    What I would tell my single self is the same thing I often remind my married self LOL! You can’t change him, He’s God’s son and He is the only one with the power to change him.

  94. Micah February 13, 2014 at 5:20 pm - Reply

    I am a junior in high school who has been single for my whole entire life. There is peer pressure all around in high school about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Sometimes I let it get to me that I don’t have a boyfriend but then when I get lonely I start to read my bible about Jesus’s love and grace! I have always have thought there have been more relationships than being single, but the. My parents told me that the majority of the population is single!! That opened my eyes and now I have more confidence in who I am! I always feel lonely on Valentine’s Day, but I always will have my family and friends who would love me just as much even if I did have a boyfriend! I always go back to the thought of being a child of the one true King! I have been save and I have been redeemed! His amazing grace has saved my life! I just love life no matter what comes my way!!
    P.S. I feel like I’m too young to have a boyfriend and that I am a strong independent girl who does not need a boy to please her needs in her life! God is the one who fills me up with LOVE!! Have a happy #SingleAppreciation week!!

  95. B D McCray February 13, 2014 at 5:55 pm - Reply

    I was not yet a believer at 22 & experienced divorce at 27 after being married just more than one year. Looking back as a believer now & married almost 15 years, I would say:
    (1) Doing it your way probably hasn’t worked for you. Why not try doing it His way? Matthew 6:33 is super important! Don’t make a spouse, or the pursuit of one, higher than a thriving relationship with the Lord. He will have NO other before Him. (Exodus 20:3)
    (2) Read Genesis 24 carefully. Notice how a very specific prayer for Isaac’s wife was answered…and while the servant was still praying!
    (3) Write a list of EVERYTHING that you desire in a spouse; then, pray over it to make sure it aligns with what you believe the Lord has spoken to your heart. (Psalm 37:4; John 10:4-5) Make sure to be SPECIFIC! Otherwise, you could be deceived in settling for 9/10 on your list, instead of waiting for 10/10. (2 Corinthians 11:14)
    (4) Know who you are in Christ. You are loved & have worth. He proved it by giving His life for you. (Romans 5:8; Ephesians 1:5)
    (5) Know that there is NO perfect person on the face of the earth, including you. Be willing & ready to practice loving…truly loving. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
    (6) Understand that you are NOT always right & that marriage is not all about you. (Malachi 2:15; Philippians 2:4)
    (8) Treat the your spouse as you’d like to be treated. (Luke 6:31; Ephesians 5:21-33)

  96. Mariah Honig February 13, 2014 at 5:57 pm - Reply

    I think it’s definitely important to listen to people who have gone before you and who are older because they tend to have good advice. I think that it’s important to also make your own mistakes but to learn from them as a couple. I’m currently single and I pray that one day when I find the one that God has chosen for me, I will listen to the advice of other married couples.

  97. Alicia February 13, 2014 at 6:55 pm - Reply

    I am divorced but have been single for the last 12 yrs. I wish I had known and what I’m trying to show my kids is God is absolutely #1!! A marriage am only be good and last if Christ is always at the center if that relationship!!

  98. Nicole Heath February 13, 2014 at 7:28 pm - Reply

    I am glad that I found this blog. I have really been struggling with being 25 and not bening married or in a relationship. Reading these comments helped to put some things into perspective for me.

    Thank you for this post!

  99. Marla Puckett February 13, 2014 at 7:29 pm - Reply

    Love the blog today. I do have some great Christian couples in my life. I know when the time comes they will be there to provide courting advise. But for now, my focus is on Him and if Mr. Right comes looking, he just needs to look to God for me.

  100. Rebecca A February 13, 2014 at 8:04 pm - Reply

    Wait Upon The Lord! Right when I came to the realization I didn’t need a man to complete me – that I was complete with Jesus, He than gave me my husband. I just had to give it up totally and completely and learn to wait upon Him and that it is not all about having a man in my life to complete me. I am totally and wholly complete with Jesus. Love you Mandisa!!

    • Rebecca A February 13, 2014 at 8:05 pm - Reply

      I was also divorced at this time so I had been through the marriage thing before.

  101. Charlotte Hammer February 13, 2014 at 8:22 pm - Reply

    As a divorced single mom, I would tell myself that how someone treats you in a disagreement is something very important to note. Also, pay attention to how they treat subordinates…service people, employees, people they supervise. If you have to excuse too much of their bad behavior, or worse, if you have to hide their behavior from your support people (family, friends) there is something wrong and things will get worse. If someone treats you badly once, they will do it again.

  102. Katie February 13, 2014 at 8:29 pm - Reply

    Don’t pick your husband yourself. Pray for God to pick your spouse. I did and have the best husband and best friend ever, and because God chose him for me, I know HE blessed our marriage before we even said our vows.

  103. Jennifer February 13, 2014 at 8:34 pm - Reply

    Thank you for your encouraging blog. I am in my late 30’s and have been praying for the man God has for me. I love the “God date” idea and will be putting that into practice. I also love the advice to run hard after God and meet the men that catch up with you. It is so easy to focus on what I don’t have every year at Valentines it is good to remember ALL that I have in Christ!

  104. Charity February 13, 2014 at 8:35 pm - Reply

    Sweet Nibbletts! Two of those actually made me look around my living room to see if someone was actually in here with me, reading my mind! I struggle with patience and waiting. And wanting to push to make something happen. (Hard to do when you don’t know any available men though!)

  105. Joni February 13, 2014 at 8:46 pm - Reply

    My advice would be to marry a man who fears God and love you enough to not just go to church with you but have a relationship with God. God not only strengthens marriages. He makes everything that lines up according to His Will better (jobs, kids, friendships, health, finances etc.) Experience is a good teacher, but God’s people are destroyed for the lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6
    Married 19 years

  106. Kathryn Buntinf February 13, 2014 at 8:50 pm - Reply

    I would say to not run ahead of God but to be patient & wait for his prompting! If you feel God wants you to marry then he will provide the one & only true love. We get so impatient & want to run ahead.

  107. Jennie R February 13, 2014 at 8:55 pm - Reply

    I think my biggest take away is making sure you’re secure of who you are in Christ and who you are as a person before trying to add another person to the mix. If you are not secure in your identity In Chrisr, you’re going to he looking to that other person to give it to you. Ultimately they will let you down.

  108. Monica Tate February 13, 2014 at 9:04 pm - Reply

    I have been looking for a good message for my teenagers about love, dating, and marriage… If I’m not the one picked to receive the give away, can u tell me where to find the message and purchase it?
    Thank you and God bless!

  109. Jessica February 13, 2014 at 9:08 pm - Reply

    I recently moved to a new state, and though I don’t have family here, I have 2 sets of married friends that I care about very much. I look to them as great examples of living for the Lord. In this season of my life, I’m enjoying being available to babysit for their wonderful kids and give them “date nights”. I loved the advice on today’s blog, especially spending an evening with God.

  110. Taryn February 13, 2014 at 9:17 pm - Reply

    I think the biggest thing I’ve gotten from these is to be okay with myself. Find out my innermost fears, struggles, joys, etc. and deal with those. And to be okay with myself. I’m constantly thinking that if I just lose weight, or hang out more with guys, or wear more makeup and so on I’ll finally find a guy. But all those things are because I’m not okay yet with who I am. I need to take this time God has given me, and figure out really who I am…the whole, complete, God-filled me.

  111. Amanda February 13, 2014 at 9:34 pm - Reply

    I love your constant encouragement to us fellow single peeps. Thank you, Mandisa! This is such a sweet, precious season we are in. God’s timing is perfect and I know He is working in ways I can’t see or understand. God is good! I need to take advantage of the time I have and spend more of my time in His presence. Thank you for the great reminder!!

  112. April February 13, 2014 at 9:38 pm - Reply

    I definitely know what God is trying to tell me lately. It seems I’ve been hearing the same thing over and over again. Enjoy the season I am in. Be content with where God has me right now. Don’t rush things. There’s a reason He hasn’t brought him into my life yet and I just have to wait, be patient, and be content with where I am at now. After reading all of the above comments I have decided to ask a select few of my married friends this same question. I have several amazing friends that have amazing Godly marriages and I should “utilize” them and their wisdom. I am going to do exactly that! Thanks for he idea and thanks again for this week of encouragement!!

  113. Megan February 13, 2014 at 9:43 pm - Reply

    So much good advice, but the one that stuck out to me most is the one that said do MORE OF THAT. In high school I lit candles & played worship music & those are still some of the most memorable times I spent with God. I’m almost 26 now, & I still remember it & have thought about doing it again. I just haven’t made the effort. That’s not how I wanna be in any of my relationships but especially in the one with my Maker. Great reminder!

  114. Ashley February 13, 2014 at 9:57 pm - Reply

    The more I get into a deeper relationship with God, the more I come to an understanding that it’s his plan not ours. We do definitely fit into his plan, but we have to trust and be obideant to HIS will. Trying to make things happen on your own only creates a disaster. Everyday he is molding us and preparing us to do HIS will. It’s all about TRUST!!!

    The advice I would offer to my single self is to enjoy the people that are currently around you, enjoy the situation you’re in, and live out God’s will every single day! For whatever situation your in, God has a plan; HIS plan is far better than what we think it should be.

  115. Amanda Rawson February 13, 2014 at 11:11 pm - Reply

    I am a 54 year old never married woman who still after all this time desires to be married. The Lord created us to be complements to one another, to be there for each other in sickness and in health, for richer or for poor, and for so much more. A part of me feels empty, though I know the Lord fills all of me, there is still that ache.

    But of one thing I am sure, unless he loves the Lord more than I AND knows about Ephesians 5, then I will happily and contentedly remain single. I will not settle for less than the BEST that GOD has for me. If I go to my grave a single woman, I already have the BEST husband ever when I enter heaven – my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ – I am HIS Bride.

  116. Amy February 13, 2014 at 11:19 pm - Reply

    My biggest takeaway is focus all my attention on God and He will lead me to the man I am to marry when the time is right. I would like to marry someday, and as someone who has a lot of friends who are already married, I have a number of couples to ask questions to if I had them. I also have my parents, and have already had some talks with my mom about how to make the most of being single so that when the right guy comes around, I’ll be ready.

  117. Krista February 13, 2014 at 11:51 pm - Reply

    Second after focusing on God – remember that in 18-20 years your children will be grown and gone. So make sure you don’t spend ALL your energy on raising them and leave nothing left for your spouse. Your spouse will hopefully still be there when they’re grown and gone and you don’t want to be living with a stranger when they do. The best present you can give your kids is a Godly example of loving EACH OTHER… Dates, romance and genuine affection will be more precious to your kids than any sporting event or extra curricular activity you involve them in… Too many young parents feel like if every available moment isn’t spent taking kids to one event or another, they’re somehow cheating their children of something…. Your time, love and love for their other parent is so much more valuable….

  118. Elizabeth reeja mathen February 13, 2014 at 11:53 pm - Reply

    When I was a single, i used to dream about the guy who I am going to marry. Not just dreaming but I said to Jesus that these are my dreams. I waited on the Lord. Jesus didn’t let me wait for too long. He gave me the guy who is exactly the same which I asked God for.
    I would like to tell you singles….share your feelings and desires to the Lord. The Word says, “Delight yourself in the Lord; He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm:37:4)God will give you exactly or even more what you have prayed for! (Luke:11:11).
    Live in purity.God will honor it.
    One more thing, during the time of waiting God will teach/train you many things.

  119. […] similar to what many of my married friends in yesterday’s blog shared. Ok, Lord! Contentment and fulfillment comes from You! I hear […]

  120. Sue Smith February 14, 2014 at 5:40 am - Reply

    None of us are perfect. Only through Christ and living for Him are we made perfect. Once we realize this and stop expecting others to be and act like we think they should, then in my experience it is easier to communicate and not stress or be angry about things in anothers life that I cannot control. I was just talking to my older sister about this last night in regards to another younger sibling who has always tried to say and do things that they know will get me angry or upset. In recent years I realized that this sibling no matter how much I would like them to stop and be kinder and have a closer relationship with, I cannot force them to change or do anything other than the things they have always done, so I had to pray for God to give me the self control not to let my emotions and actions feed off of their comments and actions. I have carried this over into other relationships and the knowledge that I can never force a person to be, feel, or act as I expect them to, just as they can never change my feelings, thoughts, actions, or who I am; but together through Christ we can be who God wants us to be, this mindset alone has reduced the stress of trying to do the right things so as not to upset someone, because no matter how hard we try to, on our own we will fail at this because we are not perfect.

    People don’t always display their love and emotions as I think they should either. I have a parent that rarely displays their love in hugs, or even words until recent years. It used to upset me that they would never say I love you until you said it to them. As I look back over the years though, I can see where this parent showed his love for his children and family by the things he did over the years (playing basketball after work and dinner in the driveway, when he probably would have rather sat down and relaxed; taking us out to learn to drive, properly handle firearms, or work a garden; and many other things). It is this parent who is right now recovering from a serious illness and in a home for rehabilitation before being able to move back home. We have learned over the years that we can show our love for each other just by simply being there for the other. So, even though I go visit often, we may go hours with only saying a few words, but we know the other loves us and is there to help how we can.
    If I ever marry, I think this knowledge of people expressing their love in different ways will help me not expect my future spouse to always express his love through the ways I may think or feel they need to be expressed. Communication does not always have to be verbal to express our feelings.
    Yes I have married friends that I could ask for advice on marriage when it comes to that time in my life, but who better to ask for marriage advice than the elderly who have been married for 30, 40, 50+ years? In my old church in Virginia (I recently moved back to Indiana just before my father took seriously ill this time) we had a couple in the church that had been married 75 years and our minister said that he often encouraged couples he was counseling for marriage to go visit and talk with this couple because he felt they could share their life and personal examples with the couples and it would be more effective than some of the things he could tell them from his own experience or learning (as he had only been married 30 years).

  121. Katie February 14, 2014 at 8:51 pm - Reply

    I am that one single friend that everyone now lives vicariously through. Just about all of my friends are married, so I have plenty of places to go for advice. And sometimes I get advice even when I don’t ask 😉 I am the one they try to hook up, send on blind dates, worry about when I have those dates, among other things. They are there when I need dating advice, and have told me any questions about marriage or kids, just ask. I love them for it all.

  122. Gretchen February 16, 2014 at 8:20 pm - Reply

    I appreciate the words of encouragement and emphasis on keeping God first. I am thankful how He has kept me until this point in my life. I sincerely believe that I will be married to a strong Christian man, but I have learned to put my energy into seeking God, not seeking “Mr. Right.” I am enjoying my walk with Him, and looking forward by faith to the journey on the path He is leading me down.

  123. QueSk March 4, 2014 at 9:25 am - Reply

    First time here and I must say I’m so inspired by what you’re doing. I’m never one to leave comments on any blog but I am moved to do so now. I am married (just got married…..3 months in) and I am enjoying my marriage I must admit (and I know it can be better) but the Holy Spirit obviously is trying to get my attention hence my visit to your blog (when I should be working). It is true that by focusing on Him and making Him number 1, one becomes the diamond as opposed to the shiny ring on one’s finger. Its definitely more of the Lord hereon for me and I’m confident everything else will fall into place (including my lovely husband…lol). Keep up the good work Mandisa. God bless you.

Leave A Comment