The Single Way to do Valentine’s Day

//The Single Way to do Valentine’s Day

I was honored to be asked to write an article about Valentine’s Day from a single woman’s perspective for MTL Magazine (an online women’s magazine designed to bring you more to life). Single living as a godly woman is a subject I feel very strongly about, and have MANY years of experience in (if you catch my not so veiled drift). My “never been married” portion of the 3-part article (which also includes a write-up from a divorced woman and a widower) is below:

For years I referred to Valentine’s Day as “Single Awareness Day”, or “S.A.D”. Let’s be honest, it is not a holiday designed to celebrate those of us without a husband or boyfriend. In the past, right after we would ring in the new year, I would avoid grocery stores, because they would begin to look like Cupid flew in and went crazy shooting those annoying arrows all over the place. The result would be aisle after aisle of overstuffed pink bears and giant heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. For my fellow single sisters, the period around February 14 can bring up thoughts of loneliness, insecurity, and self-pity. But in recent years, I’ve come to look at my singleness less as a burden, and more as the gift the apostle Paul says it is.

“Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” 1 Corinthians ‭7:7‬ ‭(MSG)‬

As a single woman over 39 (I have not been able to bring myself to say the “4” word since my October 2016 birthday), Paul’s words here are like music to my unmarried ears. It is so refreshing to hear someone refer to being single as something more than a temporary vapid state that will be remedied as soon as the scales fall off of some bloke’s eyes, and he sees me the catch that I am. I am not a poor, unfortunate, lady-in-waiting whose life is on hold until “Boaz” puts a ring on it. I am much more than someone’s other half.

I am a Holy Spirit-filled, woman of God, who was made complete the moment I asked Jesus to be my Savior and Lord. I am a mighty warrior princess armed with the Shield of Faith, who skillfully wields the Sword of the Spirit. I am called by God to build His kingdom by using the gifts my Father has given me. Since one of those gifts is my singleness, I choose to embrace the many benefits that come along with it. Those include:

  • Freedom to use my time to draw closer to God through extended times of Bible study and prayer
  • Freedom to come and go as I please (for example, I recently hopped on a last minute flight to surprise a buddy of mine who was going through a difficult time and could use a prayerful friend)
  • Freedom over my money, which allows me to sow financial seeds into causes that store treasures in heaven, such as ministries focused on victims of human trafficking
  • And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I have the freedom to cook or not cook, sleep in (and in complete peace…and all across the bed), and have absolute dominion over my remote control!

As Paul exhorts in his letter to the church in Corinth, “The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.” (1 Corinthians 7:34 MSG).  Clearly, from the creation story and the whole counsel of the Word of God, we know that there is a divine beauty in the sacred union of two people becoming one. I have, what I believe is a God-placed desire to marry one day, so this is not to say that being single is better than being married. This is to humbly say that, in a culture that often exalts marriage over singleness, let us not forget that there is a blessing in both. If you are a single woman this Valentine’s Day, it’s okay to be aware of it, but rather than allowing it to make us sad, let’s open our eyes to the gift it is, and enjoy it while we can!

“And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.” 1 Corinthians ‭7:17‬a ‭(MSG‬)

The full article appears in MTL Magazine. For the current issue (with CeCe Winans on the cover), visit to order your subscription today.

P.S. I’ve got a pretty jammin’ #SingleAppreciation Day Spotify playlist you can listen to throughout your day. Check it out here!

2017-05-06T17:42:09+00:00Feb 14th|Blog|10 Comments


  1. Terri February 14, 2017 at 8:04 am - Reply

    Thank you for message. What an inspiration you are to me. I came to terms with my singleness years ago and since I’ve always been around kids (whether they were my nieces and nephews, kids I babysat for or the Sunday school kids that I teach each week) I delight in spoiling them. I have always felt hat God had other plans for me than to have a husband. And now that I’m older, I have realized that ny being single, I have more time to devote to my aging parents. My siblings help when they can and I know if I ever need them I just have to call, but I for the most part I am the one that is here all the time and I love it. I believe God had this in mind all a long. There are still times when I think that it would be nice to have a man in my life, but it usually doesn’t last long. So I say thank you again and God Bless you. Keep shining for Him!!!

  2. […] The Single Way to do Valentine’s Day – Mandisa […]

  3. DeeJay Jayne February 14, 2017 at 8:35 am - Reply

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles with being single. I have to say I never would have pictured my life as a child of being single at 46. This year I will be turning 47 and have never been married. Thanks again for your example and encouragement to us who are still single and waiting for God’s best in our lives. Even if that is just more time to spend with Him and His Word 🙂

  4. Michele February 14, 2017 at 9:24 am - Reply

    Amen! I can totally relate as a longtime single woman after a short marriage. Thank you! BTW, you can think of yourself as 30-10 instead of an age that starts with 4. 🙂

  5. Belinda Elizondo February 14, 2017 at 8:15 pm - Reply

    Thank You Mandisa!
    The Lord knows what he had in store for me. Loss of a husband within 2 yrs. In and out of relationships. Went into a depression. Allowing someone to bring me down. I thought I was stronger than that. But God allowed me to finally see, it wasn’t me. God had a plan, and I could finally see there was more to life. This person was totally wrong for me. I was to be a blessing in other people’s lives. He’s not done with me. Your a blessing! And you are singing it out loud!
    Can’t wait to see you at our Premier Designs Rally!
    God Bless you always!

  6. Amy February 18, 2017 at 4:48 am - Reply

    Hi Mandisa. I just finished reading your book, “Idoleyes.” Just wanted to say “thank you.” I was never an over the top Idol watcher. I saw a few episodes here and there early on, but a friend was giving away books last year and I grabbed yours. Nothing (aside from the Words of Jesus Himself) encourages me more than to hear the amazing testimonies of how people got to where they are in life. I absolutely love your story- every detail, honestly. God has really been reminding me lately of how perfectly He weaves the details of our lives into a beautiful tapestry. Even when we think we are just meandering through life, He is orchestrating every detail. So pleased to see how well you honored Him during your time on Idol (and in the years since). I love the “real” you and that you so transparently let the world in. You represent Jesus well. I know I am just a stranger you will likely never meet (though as i write this I am reminded that I surely came into very close proximity with you at “She Speaks” a few years ago, so who knows.), but I am a lover of Jesus too, and am inspired by your life and your story. And since I happened to be responding to a “random Valentine’s post” I will also say that every Valentine’s Day I spent alone for years would have been so much easier had a truly trusted God had a great plan for my love life too. Like you, I refused to settle for anything less than God’s best. 15 years later, the wait was worth every moment. I k ow it has been a long time, and our journeys are all different, but we serve a faitfhhful Gid who knows every intimate detail. He was faithful on Idol. He is faithful today. He will fulfill the desires of your heart. Lot’s of love…. Amy

  7. Becky Withers March 7, 2017 at 10:54 am - Reply

    Being single is not a bad thing. I know so many people in bad relationships where the other person brings out the worst in them. Enjoy and treasure your freedom!

  8. Cristy March 7, 2017 at 10:20 pm - Reply

    Thanks For Your Blog.

  9. Kevin hall July 18, 2017 at 10:25 pm - Reply

    You are such an inspiration! Thank You for being so transparent. Grace and Peace.

  10. Rose October 10, 2017 at 11:03 pm - Reply

    Thnks so much for this VD blog…so glad I am reading it right now. We live for eternity and for the glory of our Father He is ever mindful loving and kind and His love fills up the empty places in our lives. Your life and honesty is refreshing in this world of “fake”

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